giving up !=> given up
suspension, How to Disappear Completely, 2022
I’ve encountered many hurdles this semester and have learned multitudes about myself. My relationship with art and art-making has diminished in some way and flourished in others. At this point (as typically occurs when I put all my eggs in one… medium), I can’t stand photography. I am looking for any way to escape the hole I’ve dug myself this far into the semester. however, I have no options left and have to put my head down and finish the semester out strong. Not that I am necessarily disappointed in the work I’ve produced this semester, and not that I don’t see a progression in my practice as an artist compared to the past, however, I had different expectations for these four months. I think I severely overestimated my ability to have breakthroughs in my practice while moving and living abroad in such an uncomfortable manner. Singapore has very little in common with my home in the states. While I expected this and hoped it would affect my practice and befit from it, that has yet to happen. Maybe it will have an effect when I return home and have the chance to really reflect on how different my life is now.
The title of this entry sparks an exciting paradigm that I’m not sure is totally related to the project, just an exciting thought. I’m basically asking what the state of “giving up” is. Is it truly a state in which one can exist, or is it a more black and white decision? Has someone not given up then given up? Or is there a grey area in between where someone has given up and is still in the process of giving up before having completely given up? Where do I currently exist in relation to these ideas? I really am tired of photography and want to give up, but I have yet to fully do so. I Have started to pull back layers of the process that I thought I needed and that I thought made me better as an artist to start giving up, so maybe I am in that grey area.
